Do You Need Help?
When Should I Consider Face-To-Face Counseling?
Deployment affects people in many different ways. Of course, seeking professional counseling is your choice. However, there are conditions that occur in people’s lives when it is best to work with a provider.
We strongly encourage you to get help and support from a trained mental health professional if you are:
- Feeling sad or depressed most of the time for more than a week.
- Feeling anxious or having distressing thoughts you can’t control most of the time for more than a week.
- Having continuing difficulty working or meeting your daily responsibilities.
- Having problems in your relationships, or trouble taking care of your family.
- Increasing your use of alcohol or street drugs, or using them to cope.
- Overusing prescription medications.
- Having traumatic stress reactions that are not getting better as time passes.
- Thinking about hurting or killing yourself.
- Thinking about hurting or killing someone else.
- Doing things to hurt yourself, like cutting or burning yourself.
- You are extremely angry most of the time.
- Other people are saying they’re concerned about you and think you should talk to someone.
- You are having trouble sleeping most of the time.
- You are having trouble with eating or with your appetite most of the time, or you’ve lost significant weight without meaning to.
If you are feeling suicidal or homicidal, it’s important that you let someone know. You should seek help immediately by calling 911 or going to the closest emergency room.
It doesn’t have to be an emergency for you to benefit from talking with a professional helper or counselor. Professionals who have training and expertise in working with military personnel can help you with several things:
- Learn to manage your feelings and thoughts more effectively.
- Learn to feel more comfortable talking to people in your daily life.
- Learn to pursue goals that are important to you.
- Learn to focus on the future.
Some reactions are very common in the first week or two following a traumatic event and, and do not necessarily require in-person consultation with a counselor. Difficulties getting through normal activities and responsibilities, avoidance of situations, nervousness, and sleeping problems are common at first. But if there is no improvement in the first weeks following a stressful or traumatic event, then face-to-face counseling should be strongly considered.
Another reason to consider face-to-face counseling might be that you don’t have people to talk to about what happened, because:
- The people close to you are not able to support you the way you need them to.
- You are isolated or without close family or friends.
- The traumatic experience feels so personal or sensitive (such as rape, assault, domestic violence, loss of a buddy, friendly-fire related incident) that you don’t feel comfortable or safe talking with anyone you know.
Remember…
Seeking counseling is not a sign of weakness; seeking support is a sign of strength. Talking to a counselor can improve your ability to help yourself.
If you’re Not Sure Whether to Seek Counseling
If you’re not sure whether to seek counseling, you could go for an introductory, or evaluation session with a counselor to see if the counselor seems like someone you could work with. An introductory session will also give you an opportunity to get some feedback from the counselor about your problem. Trying out a session lets you consider all of your options. Remember that “shopping around” for a counselor is a perfectly acceptable thing to do; in fact many people recommend it. Just because you go for one session does not mean you have to return. You can always go and check out other options!
You Say You Can’t Go for Help Because…
Working with a healthcare professional can be a very helpful way to feel better and get back on track. However, many people do not seek counseling even though they might benefit from it. What would stop you from getting help if you needed it?
Select the statements from the list below that pertain to you.
1. I think it might feel strange to talk to a counselor.
1. It might feel strange to talk to a counselor at first, but…
- You can get used to it quickly. As an example, think about someone you are close to. Now think about when you first met that person. You probably feel more comfortable with them now than you did at first, right? Relationships with professional counselors work the same way. You build the relationship over time.
- It’s worth feeling a little awkward at first if the counseling helps. Although it may be hard to imagine now, you can get beyond your deployment stress and the difficulties of transitioning back home. It is very likely that you will thank yourself later for taking the chance on a few uncomfortable hours.
- There is no magic or tricks to worry about — counseling involves common sense discussions about what is happening and practical advice about what might be helpful.
- Counselors will work hard to make you feel at ease. Remember that this is their job — they’re used to helping people get comfortable with counseling, and to feel better and make positive changes in their lives.
2. A counselor can’t help me or won’t understand.
2. You might believe that a counselor cannot help you, but…
- That may not be true — counselors are well trained and some are specialists in working with military personnel and Veterans. That means they may have helped quite a few people with problems similar to yours.
- If you’re worried they just won’t understand, remember, that’s guaranteed if you don’t give them a chance!
- If you have a few sessions with a counselor and it’s not going well, you can talk to them about what you want to change, or you can find someone else to work with. If at first you don’t succeed, you can always try again!
- A counselor won’t try to solve your problems, only help you decide what’s best for you to do.
- You just won’t know until you give it a try.
3. Therapy and medications don’t help with deployment problems.
3. You may think that therapy and/or medications don’t work but…
- There is a lot of research and personal experience showing that both counseling and medication can help with many of the problems that military personnel experience when returning from deployment.
4. If I see a counselor it means I am weak or ‘broken.’
4. You may think that only ‘weak’ or ‘broken’ people see counselors, but…
- Remember that even though talking about difficult experiences can be hard, in the end it will help you feel better and stronger.
- It takes time to heal; if you’re thinking ‘I should be over this,’ think again.
- Does asking for help really mean that you’re weak? We all need support from time to time — remember that ‘no man (or woman) is an island.’
- Getting support for yourself to live your life more fully shows strength, self-respect, growth, and courage.
- Try thinking about a time a buddy or friend was having a hard time and leaned on you; did you judge them for it? Were you glad that you could help?
5. I am the only one who has such a negative reaction to deployment (or had a negative experience during deployment) — I should be able to hold up like everyone else.
5. You may believe that you’re the only one who has such a negative reaction to deployment (or terrible experiences during deployment), but…
- Many military personnel returning from Iraq and Afghanistan are in need of some help and support. Almost all of these people served their country bravely and honorably — they simply need some help to deal with their reactions and to make sense of their extraordinary experiences.
- Remember that you’re not really alone; others have successfully coped with similar experiences in combat, recently and throughout history.
6. My military career might be at risk if I talk to someone about my problems.
6. You may feel like your military career would be in jeopardy if you sought help, but…
Many Service Members get help for their problems. This includes Service Members of varying ranks and Service Members in all of the services.
Service Members sometimes ask about confidentiality. ‘Confidentiality’ means that what’s discussed between a Service Member and a provider is private, and not shared with others. However, there are ‘limits’ to confidentiality, in military and civilian settings. For example, a provider is responsible for taking measures to safeguard you or others when possible thoughts of self-harm or harming others is involved. Your provider can thoroughly discuss with you the ‘limits’ of what can be kept confidential.
In the ‘Videos’ section, you will find videos of actual Service Members who have gone for professional care.
7. My unit or CO will treat me differently.
7. You may worry that your unit or CO will treat you differently, but…
- Try talking to someone you trust, and ask them to keep the conversation between the two of you.
- You don’t have to tell people that you’re working with a counselor. You can just say you have an appointment and that it’s personal.
- Put yourself in their shoes: maybe they are concerned about you and your well-being, but it could be that their concern comes from good intentions and wanting the best for you. They may be on your side even if they are treating you differently.
- Think about a time a buddy or friend was having a hard time. Did you judge them for it? Were you glad that you could help?
8. I should be able to cope with my problems myself.
8. You might believe that you should be able to cope with your problems without help from others, but…
- People who use the sources of help around them are better able to cope.
- It can help to get information from someone who’s knowledgeable about deployment stress.
- Trying to cope completely by yourself often makes things harder than they need to be — it adds the problem of loneliness and isolation to your burden.
- The important thing is to feel better — even if you have to swallow your pride for a few weeks of counseling, it will be worth it to have your life back.
9. If I need help, then I’m not a real Marine/Soldier/Sailor and I’m not fit to serve my country.
9. You may think that needing help means you’re not fit to serve your country, but…
- Having problems after deployment is completely normal. People who served in Iraq and Afghanistan have commonly reported some type of concern about their mental health right after coming back.
- You will be better able to serve your country if you are feeling better.
- Give yourself a break. The war zone is different from any experience, any training, or any stress that came before it. If you need a chance to talk about what happened, there’s no shame in that.
- Perhaps you’re right — in a few cases people have experiences and consequences that make continued military service a poor choice for them. If that is the case, it still makes sense to seek help. You may put yourself and others in danger if you continue to serve.
10. Other people will find out that I’m getting help and they’ll make fun of me.
10. You may think that people will make fun of you for getting support, but…
- Having problems after deployment is completely normal. People who served in Iraq and Afghanistan have commonly reported some concern about their mental health after coming back.
- The belief that asking for help is embarrassing and something to be ashamed of is the biggest reason that OIF/OEF Service Members don’t seek help. But which is more important: worrying about what others think of you, or getting the help you need to be able to go forward with your life?
11. If I just ignore the problems they will go away.
11. You may want to ignore the problems and see if they will eventually go away but…
- While this sometimes happens, it is pretty rare.
- When something very stressful happens it can change the way you think about the world or how safe you feel. Those kinds of changes can be hard to reckon with. You may need to spend some time and effort looking at how you have changed and making sense of the experiences you have had. It can help to do that with a trained counselor with a more objective perspective.
12. It’s easier to avoid talking about what happened.
12. It might seem easier to avoid talking about what happened, but…
- One of the proven ways of recovering after a trauma is to talk with others about your experience and its impact on you.
- Avoidance of talking about the experience can actually be a post-traumatic stress symptom.
- Avoiding talking sometimes makes things worse. It can lead to loneliness and can hurt your relationships if you’re not talking about the reasons why you’re upset.
- Talking may seem hard at first if you’re used to sticking it out on your own, but it gets easier over time.
13. I don’t think how I’m doing is really that bad.
13. If you think it’s not really that bad, and you don’t need help…
- That may be true. Some people have, and use, plenty of support in their lives already. Plus, some people have responses to stress that don’t last long or aren’t that uncomfortable.
- Of course, seeking professional counseling is your choice. However, there are conditions that occur in people’s lives when it is best to work with a provider. You should talk to a professional immediately if you are:
- Feeling sad or depressed most of the time for more than a week.
- Feeling anxious or having distressing thoughts you can’t control most of the time for more than a week.
- Having continuing difficulty working or meeting your daily responsibilities.
- Having problems in your relationships, or trouble taking care of your family.
- Increasing your use of alcohol or street drugs, or using them to cope.
- Overusing prescription medications.
- Having traumatic stress reactions that are not getting better as time passes.
- Thinking about hurting or killing yourself.
- Thinking about hurting or killing someone else.
- You are doing things to hurt yourself, like cutting or burning yourself.
- You are extremely angry most of the time.
- Other people are saying they’re concerned about you and think you should talk to someone.
- You are having trouble sleeping most of the time.
- You are having trouble with eating or your appetite or you’ve lost significant weight without meaning to.
14. I don’t know where to find a counselor.
14. You might not know where to find a counselor, but…
- Calling your insurance company for suggestions can help.
- Asking a doctor for a referral can help.
- There is a list of suggestions for finding a counselor in this section under ‘Finding help where you live.’
15. I’m worried that counseling costs too much money.
15. You may worry that counseling costs too much money, but…
- Calling the VA and your insurance company and finding out about your benefits can help.
- The VA offers free care for combat-related conditions for 2 years after returning from deployment.
- If money is an issue, you should know that there is a lot of low-fee counseling available.
- As a Service Member you may have services available to you for free or for only a small fee.
- Counseling is an investment in your health and well-being. A lot of people feel that getting themselves healthy is a wise investment of their money.
16. I’m worried about scheduling an appointment and getting time off from work.
16. You might be worried about getting time off from work, or scheduling an appointment, but…
- Some counselors can work with you and your schedule to find a good time.
- Most CO’s will understand and support you in taking care of your health, whether it’s physical or emotional.
- Often, people can find ways to make their work schedules flexible, like taking a long lunch one day and then working that extra hour at another time, or shifting your schedule to start earlier and end earlier on the day you have counseling.
17. I’m not sure how to get to and from appointments.
17. You might not be sure how to get to and from appointments, but…
- Looking into public transportation can help.
- You might be able to borrow a vehicle or catch a ride with someone: consider your options.
- Ask the counseling center if they offer transportation services for military personnel. Some do.